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If it's not written in PHP it's irrelePHPant!

Note: This article was originally published at Planet PHP on 19 April 6200.
Planet PHP

Dear PHP Community, we need to have a talk about the insufferable state of your software stacks.

It was recently brought to my attention that there is software out there, software we use every day!, that is NOT written in PHP.

This is completely unacceptable! We are PHPeople! We're not aoWeba Developers, we are the web. And we sure as hell are not some fancy aoSoftware Developera, you can ask anyone on the Internet!

Seriously: If it's not PHP how will we ever be able to extend and adapt it to our needs! We are slaves of our tools!

Let's fix it!

Let us join forces and make away with all the projects that are not PHPuture proof!

I'm suggesting a worst offenders list on which we should start working immediately:

Jenkins & Travis

Either we'd have to install Java on one of our machines or he have to rely on a service written in Ruby. No way we could ever extend those to adapt them to our needs!

CI is way too important and installing Java is just the extra step that is way too much work. Travis tries to hide behind HTTP but we all know that the only reason we haven't contributed to the project is that it's written in another language that we just can't get into!

Git & Github

How are we supposed to commit to a DVCS if we can't even do checkouts on shared hosts! We need an SCM written for PHP, in PHP. It's the only way to ensure that our source code is safe and can be modified across all of our platforms.

We commit many times every day and relying on something that has to be compiled and installed in ADDITION(!) to PHP is just plain wrong.

Puppet

Don't let anyone tell you that it's a great tool to automate your infrastructure with. You will be stuck with a piece software that you can't adapt or maintain as it's written in another language! Sure, people will tell you that there are modules for everything you need but we all know that there is this one special use case where we could need to write a PHP extension for it (because calling PHP on the CLI just doesn't cut it you know) and then all effort you put into it will be vain!

Apache

This might be a tough nut to crack but thankfully we now have REACT and opening a listening socket isn't that hard ether. How hard can it be to implement HTTP properly? I expect results in the near PHPuture!

In conclusion

At some point in time we have to find a way to write our own operating system but for now let's focus on the more pressing issues! Let's PHPurify our tools, enable adaptability and set our developers PHPree!

Seriously

Thank you for reading through my little, over the top, rant. I needed to get this out of my system :)

Can we now please go back to creating awesome?

PHP is a language that enables absolute beginners to start creating on the web using FTP and notepad!

It let's us realize and validate our ideas blazingly fast and allows us to adapt our successful ideas to beautifully scale with our requirements providing and relying on solid, battle-proof tools.

This is the language that created Wordpress, Drupal, every forum software ever and pretty much everything else that drives the Internet allowing people in the late 90s and early 2000s to create on the Internet in an amazing speed. Putting their visions to reality and creating amazing value for them.

So please go and be awesome and don't shy away from learning some other languages and tools along the way if they help you to do so. Chances are most of the stuff you'll use already does more than you need anyways.

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