Stop using SQL, then
Note: This article was originally published at Planet PHP on 20 December 2010.
PHP has been around nearly as long as there has been a Web to develop for, but it evolves constantly and is a modern programming language by almost any definition. Sure, it might not suit hipsters who only enjoy bands when they can say aoyou probably have not heard of them; they only formed tomorrow,a but it is not your granddad's programming language.
Sadly, web development often also involves SQL, and that is your granddad's programming language. SQL, and the stored procedure languages you are most likely to encounter, have deliberately not evolved much since the 70s and 80s. When your programming ancestors were hunting saber-toothed tigers and scratching proposed SQL syntax onto cave walls, they had some fundamentally different ideas to those behind scripting languages.
Yet another reason to stop interfacing directly with a storage back-end and use a content repository.